Twenty Five
A flashback to some inspirational writing I wrote as I was turning 25. I am about to turn 38. The years since then have been hard, and yet, so much easier than my early years. Life is a journey, if you can learn to live and trust yourself along the way. You'll grow into your challenges, rather than lose hope and stop sailing into new seas. Believe in you. đŸ’—
As I come to my 25th birthday, I find myself
reflecting on the first quarter of my life.
I have survived birth, childhood, the breakdown of my parents’
marriage, the death of my father and several others, stepfathers, isolation,
never ending change, moving houses and schools.
I have survived adolescence, puberty, the battle of self-esteem,
identity, relationships, sex, social dynamics, love, the gauntlet of drugs and
alcohol, power and perfectionism.
I have survived a science degree. To have my innate ignorance
challenged and to be inspired by the amazing, exquisite beauty that exists in
this universe. From the atom, to DNA, stars, galaxies, animals, evolution, humans,
life death and disease, behaviour, mind, consciousness, the list is endless.
I traversed this challenge to ignorance while surviving
leukaemia. With 26 months of chemotherapy, weeks of radiation, 20+ lumbar punctures, all the while bald, obese and with a tube in my chest. Only then as I
began to get better did my next challenge begin, avascular necrosis, a
condition that destroyed my femoral heads and mobility, and until I was finally
given the gift of a double hip replacement, it left me wheelchair bound, in
agony and away from my beloved university.
I have survived existential crises, one after the other, the
most recent occurring over the last 18 months when I discovered my childhood dream,
my identity as the person in my family who would become a doctor, was meaningless.
A child’s dream, no longer relevant to who I was or to the future I wanted to
become.
I have floated in darkness and nothingness for extended
periods, a jellyfish on the shore of helplessness stranded from the sea of
possibility. All the things I have done, the smiles I have won, the times
I almost died, the day I first cried, all these things I have survived.
Only now do I see myself emerging, stepping out into the
world ready to begin. I find myself curious, calm, aware and passionate. Alive more
so than ever before, as I know this is just the beginning, the introduction to
my life. The stage is set, the lights are on, and I am jumping out of my seat
ready to see what show the world and I will come up with.
Every night we go to sleep and in the morning we awake reborn to the
possibility of new experience. I am hopeful that on some of these days the
conditions will be just right, that I may be aware enough to appreciate the beauty,
tragedy and magnificence of the divine comedy that is life. I’m not confident
that I’ll ever understand it, but am grateful and privileged for the continued
opportunity to experience it.
#inspiration #personalgrowth #thrive #emotionalagility #emotionalintelligence #perspective #buddhism #mindyourmind
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